My Baby Boy

I promised your dad that, when he and I talk about you, I'd never refer to you as my baby because obviously you're not just mine. Just this once, though, I'm going to call you mine (and only mine) because I just had one of the moments when I was reminded (yet again) that no one else will ever be able to share this kind of connection with you or me.

I was coming down the stairs and really feeling the weight. While I was making my way down, I had flashbacks from the time daddy suggested that we move the bedroom down. He said, "You won't want to be going up and down the stairs when you get bigger." I realized that it really wasn't that long ago when he said that, and here I am, 6-month pregnant with a healthy baby boy.

... and to think 6 months ago many people believed natural pregnancy was impossible for us...

Being pregnant with you is the most amazing journey I've been on. The depth of love I feel for you is simply indescribable. In fact, it's frighteningly overwhelming... and overwhelmingly frightening. You are my flesh and blood. We breathe the same air, taste the same food, share the same hormones, and apparently experience the same emotions. I'm no longer capable of thinking as an individual, a woman, or a wife. I think as a mother. I already know I will never love anyone the way I love you, I will always be there when you need me, and I will try my best to keep you out of harm's way without being overly protective.

Now that I think differently, my perceptions have also changed. Comments like "Wow! You're getting bigger every day" is now music to my ears because what I hear is "Wow! Your baby is really growing." As a result, I have acquired a new confidence. I feel sexy and want to bare (show off) my belly whenever I can. I also love all the exciting sensations my body experiences from your growth. It tickles when you gently brush your elbow against me; it startles me when you suddenly make a 180. I get a kick out of learning what you get a kick out of (literally), and I have a lot of fun speculating what kind of a person you're gonna be. For instance, I think you're gonna be a chatterbox like your parents because you are usually active when we have friends around. Meanwhile, you're probably gonna be camera-shy 'cause you always cover your face with your arms at every ultrasound (or maybe you just don't like doctors or you'll want to get into boxing).

You and daddy are also establishing connections (See?! This is why you're never just mine). Daddy adores the idea that you get aroused by banana pancakes and Sci-Fi movies (after the night at Star Trek IMAX, you kicked through Superman Returns last night). Daddy talks and sings to you through my belly button (he's convinced that it functions as a microphone), and he greets you by rubbing my belly as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning. My heart melts every time daddy puts his hand on my belly and you return his touch by punching right into his palm. Daddy gets so thrilled about how powerful your punches have become. It's really very cute.

Because of you, I think I now begin to understand what it means to love like only a mother can.