The Evolution of Friendship Throughout Pregnancy

When I was in my first trimester, the pregnancy was so early and fragile that I felt as if everyone was tiptoeing around me. For instance, a friend could answer the phone in his/her normal voice but immediately changed the tone when s/he learnt it was me calling. Instead of using the more neutral, general greetings, women in their early pregnancies get the ones specifically about how she feels. It goes something like this:

Friend: "Hello? (voice softens) Hey~~~~ How're you feelinggggg?"

Notice the last word is also dragged out? Psycholinguists would say that, in English, this is recognized as a sign of uncertainty, insecurity, or fear. Yup! For my friends, all of a sudden I went from a drinking pal to... a soon-to-be MOM. No wonder they didn't know how they should interact with me.

By the time I reached second trimester, that meant the coast was clear to my friends. There was no need for extra pampering or tenderness in the way they talked to or treated me. Okay, that's not true. I think it's mostly because the idea of me being pregnant had finally sunk in; it had become a fact, a done deal, a reality.

Also, for me and most women, the second trimester was the "golden period of pregnancy". I was still able to move around with ease, and I felt more energetic. The little one brought on so many little surprises that I felt like I had a permanent grin on my face. My friends saw that I was pretty much the same person as I was pre-pregnancy... only bigger.

So the teasing and bantering resumed. The uncertainty that once existed in their speech pattern evaporated and was quickly replaced by playful comments and nicknames. The beginning of a phone conversation could go like this:

Friend: "Hello? (increased excitement) HEY! Preggo! How's it goin'? Getting fat yet?"

Another couple of months down the road, as my belly resembles more and more a ticking time bomb with a flashing neon sign that says: "Coming Soon: A Tiny Human Being That Wails and Poops All the Time", my friends are getting the jitters again. Like the rest of the world, they're also experiencing a whole lot of mixed emotions: anticipation, excitement, expectation, helplessness, uncertainty, fear, happiness, etc. This is crunch time, and crunch time is no time for jokes! Therefore, the beginning of a phone conversation is summed down to a single most practical inquiry.

Friend: "Hello? (all seriousness) Is it here yet?"