She Had it Coming

I jumped up the moment I heard her. Sitting in bed in a position that offered great maneuverability, I set my glasses straight on my nose and had my weapon ready in one hand. The immediate environment was working toward her advantage, for the room was dark, the AC was humming, and my husband was breathing loudly in his sleep. However, I didn't want to wake up my loved ones by turning on the lights. With my head moving from side to side at a steady pace like a surveillance camera, I meticulously scanned every surface of the room while using my newly-developed mommy hearing to locate her whereabouts. I wished I had a cat's vision, or some night vision goggles.

After 5 minutes (which in reality was probably more like a minute), my eyes started to give up and eyelids were getting heavier. My body was sneakily inching closer to the softness and warmth of the bed. Even my determination to find her was slowly being replaced by the overwhelming desire to sleep. I finally decided to turn on the lights. I thought I'd give the room one more thorough scan with the lights on. If I don't find her... well, it must be her lucky day.

I was instantly engulfed by rage when I saw her. The weapon was hot in my hand, but I couldn't do anything because that 6-legged blood-sucking SOB was ready to insert her possibly disease-carrying needle into MY son's perfect soft rosy right cheek!! My heart must have pumped enough adrenaline to fight off an entire army into my blood (I now know that all the stories we've heard similar to how a 5-foot tall, 100-pound mother was able to lift up a truck with her bare hands just to save her child were absolutely true. Never piss a mommy off!!). I felt like I was turning into The Hulk... just maybe not as green.

For a nanosecond, we were engaged in a stand-off. The mosquito was looking at me with an evil smile. She raised her proboscis up high and released the needle from its sheath *chi-king*. I sat on my knees with my eyes fixed on her puny little body and with a high-voltage (for a mosquito) electrical device all fired up in my good hand (not to mention the 5 years of mosquito-killing skills I've accumulated under my belt). Then I was faced with a predicament: how am I going to kill this blood sucker?I couldn't risk zapping that perfect little cheek with the electric racket thingy, yet I couldn't sit and watch her puncture a hole on my son's skin and drink his blood. On the other hand, I couldn't not kill her now because that would mean going back to playing Hide 'n Seek again, but I was very much in need of some sleep before my son woke up for some boobie time. "Why don't I have the skills to catch a fly (or a mosquito in this case) with a pair of chopsticks? After all, I am Chinese, aren't I?!" I quickly amused myself with this thought as I did the only thing I could do: wave the mosquito away (=let her live)... for now.

As soon as the mosquito flew away, I ran to Kai's side and checked if he was bitten. Relieved, I started walking to the foot of Kai's bed to take out the mosquito net. Then I saw her again, lurking under a half-open drawer on the dark-colored dresser waiting for me to go away so she could strike again. "Not this time, you b****!" I positioned the electric zapper parallel to her body and slowly closed in on her. As soon as she realized she was in trouble and began to take off, ZAP! From the tiny bright sparkles and the most satisfying sizzling sound, I knew she had no chance. "Mission accomplished." My breathing returned to normal, my heart rate slowed down, and I smiled.


Before I went back to bed, I woke Bill up to help me put the mosquito net on Kai's bed. We soon realized that I probably could have done it myself (I wasn't sure if the bed would waddle too much and wake him up if I tried to do it myself). Bill said jokingly, "You woke me up for this?"

Oh, babe! You don't know the half of it.