This Day Last Year

A year ago today was when I found out we were pregnant.

I told my mom that I thought I was pregnant on the first day of 2009. It wasn't like she didn't believe me, my mom was more worried that I was setting myself up to be disappointed since, you know, I only had older, chemo-damaged eggs in my "leftover left ovary". Oh, let's not forget endometriosis in the uterus. That was why, a year after the completion of chemotherapy and six more months of attempting to get pregnant, everyone had stopped hoping or believing that we would/could get pregnant naturally. Though we never stopped hoping, we were getting ready to begin In-Vitro. We were also prepared that the first attempt might fail.

But this was different. I just had this strong feeling that I was pregnant. Granted, it wasn't the first time I felt this way, and I had been wrong all those times before. But I had to find out so I could put my mind at ease. I bought a home pregnancy test on my way to work that morning, and I was thinking I wouldn't tell anybody if the result turned out to be negative. I taught one class and did the test in the bathroom. When I saw the second pink line, my knees weakened and my eyes were filled with tears. I returned to the Teachers' Room and stood by the window with a smile stuck on my face.

A colleague asked, "Are you okay?" He seemed concerned.

"I'm great. Thanks. I'm great." I tried to act normal. My heart was about to jump out of my chest and what I really wanted to say (make that shout) was "I'M PREGNANT!"

I couldn't wait until we got home that evening to tell Bill, but it was 2 minutes before the next class. I decided to send him a text message. How does one break the news of this magnitude with a text message? What should I write?

"Congratulations babe. We're pregnant" was what I settled for.

Bill called me back right away. "REALLY?" he couldn't believe it. A scientist that he is, he then said, "You should do another test later. Maybe this afternoon."

I ended up doing 3 more home pregnancy tests at different times of day before my appointment with Dr. Liu. During those 3 long days, I slowed down a lot more and I'd often find one of my hands on my belly. It was hard to wrap my head around the whole being pregnant thing. I wasn't prepared for this. I was like, "Okay. Now what?"

I brought all 4 sticks of the home pregnancy tests that I did to Dr. Liu's office. When I was in the waiting area, I rehearsed in my head how I was gonna break the news to him. I was so sure he'd be shocked and excited. The anticipation was almost overwhelming! When the nurse called my name, I walked into his office with one hand inside a pocket in my bag, holding one of the pregnancy tests.

"Is everything okay? Didn't we draw blood for CA-125 just last week? The results are not out yet." He doubled-checked on his computer.

"Check out this test result," I pulled the stick out of my bag like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. I almost said, "Ta-da~!" but it didn't seem appropriate. I was so full of excitement I could bounce off walls.

Dr. Liu took the stick. "What is it?"

"A home pregnancy test!" I answered in an "oh-my-god-aren't-you-an-OB/GYN" tone.

He took a close look at the window that showed the two lines. I waited patiently for the surprises look. "What does it mean when it shows two lines?" he said slowly.

"WHAAAAAT?" I thought, "Is he playing dumb? Can't be 'cause his voice is too calm and he looks serious." I coudln't believe how calm he was.

"It means I'm pregnant." I said carefully, trying very hard not to sound condescending.

Silence.

And more silence. I was trying very hard not to go ballistic on him.

"Did you bring the instructions with you?" He finally said. I felt like I could breathe again.

The instructions? You've got to be kidding me! I'd had enough of this trying to appear calm crap. I thought, "Screw formality and whatever social code that exists between a doctor and his patient!" I reached out, grabbed his right arm with both hands and said with a smile on my face, "How can you be so calm? Didn't you hear what I said? I'M PREGNANT! Isn't it exciting?"

Dr. Liu gave me the faintest smile while gently slipping his arm out from underneath my hands, "Okay... go downstairs and do a urine test first."

I grabbed the paper, ran downstairs, got a cup from the blood/urine test counter, peed in the cup, and went back to Dr. Liu's office. I did it as quickly as I could. He needed proof. I couldn't wait to prove it to him.

It wasn't until the official test result came in when the doctor finally relaxed and smiled. "You are pregnant."

Duh~! I didn't say it though.

"That's what I've been telling you, and I can't believe you're still so calm. I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin."

Dr. Liu chuckled, "Well, one of us has to be the calm and rational one. I'm your doctor, so I'll be the calm one. But it is exciting" the doctor's voice showed a tiny bit of excitement, "Now we just have to get you through pregnancy safely. We can really celebrate when the baby's out!"

I left his office thinking, as much as I like my doctor, he was the biggest party pooper, EVER!

Throughout my pregnancy, however, we learned from various sources (nurses and his residents) just how excited and proud Dr. Liu really was. Apparently he had been telling my story to everyone he met, including other doctors, his patients and their families, and all the interns. I often wonder if he also tells them that, while we didn't name our child after him (it doesn't work this way in Chinese), we use a character from his name as a part of Kai's Chinese name.

I should make an appointment to see Dr. Liu. I should get back to regularly monitoring CA-125, and I'm sure the doctor would love to see the miracle baby that he delivered again.