What the...

I've been having trouble finishing this post. I've started over four times since my first draft. What I want to talk about are some of the comments and questions we (well... almost exclusively I) get from some people regarding the way we raise our baby. Some of these questions and comments are so ridiculous or comical (by my standards) that they often leave me speechless. However, I don't want anyone to generalize or stereotype the Taiwanese as horrible parents. The individuals I encountered in these examples are entitled to their own opinions. So here. Let me just put this in before we get started.

Disclaimer: the values and opinions expressed by the individuals in the examples below do not reflect or suggest that all Taiwanese people think the same way.

I've talked about how uncommon it is for women in Taiwan to breastfeed in my earlier posts, so it's not surprising that people ask me why I do it. Most of them ask because they think it's so much easier to just bottle feed. Not long ago, however, a woman who came to our Christmas party asked me why I chose to breastfeed because she was genuinely concerned that I didn't fully understand the negative impact saggy tits would have on my marriage (it was almost cute that she thought Bill married me for my tits to begin with). I was astonished by her train of thoughts, but I wasn't surprised that it came from her. After all, this is the same woman who, after learning that I clean my face with only soap and water, told me that she exfoliates her entire body every day so that her husband will find other women's skin rough to the touch so that he would/could never cheat on her. I kid you not.

The second most frequently asked question I get is, "Why do you carry your baby around?" (in other words, "Why don't you just put him in a stroller?") Almost every single person who asked this question kindly reminded me how straining it is on my shoulders and lower back to walk around with Kai in a carrier (he IS a big boy). Nice as they may be, what I find amazing is the "That's it?" look I get even after I tell them: "Because I like having him close to me. I can talk to him this way." (Isn't that good enough a reason?) You'd be surprised how many times the person who asked this question just continued to stare at me, as if they could not believe my reasoning was this simple. They usually wait a while, signaling, "Come on! You gotta give me a better reason than that."
Truth be told, the reasoning process was not all that simple. A lot of thought and discussion went behind our decision not to use a stroller for the first few months of Kai's life. Bill and I started talking about it early in my pregnancy, and we asked other mothers for their opinions. When we were out, we'd point it out babies in strollers to each other and discuss what we observed with a particular brand. For us, what finally sealed the deal was when we realized how intimidating the outside world could be for a baby in a stroller. First of all, he can't see his parents and that's just not okay in our book. Moreover, a baby in a stroller is about the same height as the bumpers on a car. With the way the traffic is in Taipei, I certainly don't want my baby to ever feel as if he was about to get crushed under a wheel every time we cross the street. By the same token, I don't want my baby to be startled by a barking dog (you never know what's around the corner). From the baby's perspective, the dog, which appears much larger and closer, would be coming straight at him baring its teeth. And really, I like having him close to me. In fact, I''m still having trouble getting used to the fact that I can't see his face now Kai gets to face out.
So far I've only told two friends the complete version of my answer, and both times I ended up feeling like they were nodding along just to be polite when in fact they probably thought I was a neurotic freak for thinking up all these scenarios (after all, they are Asian).

When people see Kai, many of them ask, "Why didn't/don't you shave your baby's head when he was one month old?" The Taiwanese believe that by shaving the baby's head, s/he will have fuller, healthier hair.
Well, I'm only using the shaving the head thing as an example, but basically, people have been asking me why we don't follow the Taiwanese (or Chinese) customs/superstitions/things babies should go through. Here's a suggestion that make my jaw drop: After I told him that Kai had a rough time staying asleep the night before, a clerk at our neighborhood 7-11 kindly suggested that I take him to see the monks at a temple, who will be able to rid the evil spirits that were haunting Kai at night by chanting and waving burning incense around him.

The Money Issue: Why don't you want to return to work?
A typical conversation goes something like this:
"So you're not working now? Are you gonna go back to work?"
"Probably not for a while."
"Why not? You had a good income, didn't you? It'd be a shame not to bring that money home."
"Yeah... but we think it's also important to take care of Kai ourselves. I would hate to miss all his 'first's, you know?!"
"Yeah, but you guys will be able to save so much money if you go back to work..."
At this point, I always want to do a little bit of the Master Card commercial, you know, something like:
a conversation class NT$700 an hour.
a tutor that proofreads your paper: NT$1,000 an hour.
an academic writing class NT$1,500 an hour.
being there to witness your baby's firsts: priceless.

Anyway, that's how the conversation usually goes (without the Master Card commercial bit). While they may see it as "a shame" or "a huge sacrifice" that I chose to be a full-time mom, most people can understand why we made this decision and drop the topic. About a week ago, though, a person's response to my "Probably not for a while" was "Why bother? It's not like your son is going to remember anything now anyway." The person then went on telling me how I should try to make and save as much money as I can so that Kai won't have to worry about money in his life.
I guess people like him/her are the reason that there are the so-called "weekend parents" in Taiwan. As the name suggests, couples with babies are only parents on the weekend. The baby lives with the grandparents while mom and dad work and go about their lives during the week. When the kid is about 3 (pre-school age), s/he moves back to live with the parents full-time.

I honestly don't know how to end this post. I could say that it's been interesting living in a culture that holds beliefs and practices so different from my own, but then my life-long identity issue always creeps up. I was born and raised in this culture, yet I was (still am) never able to identify myself with it. The silver lining is that I get tons of material for my blog posts. Though he may not be able to remember anything from this period of his life, Kai will be able to read the stories about his babyhood and I hope he'll understand that, every step of the way, his parents make the best decisions to the best of their knowledge and abilities. No regret!