Return of the Phantom Ovary

Time: 2:30pm - 6:30pm
Date: Saturday, January 28th, 2012.
Location: Claire's lair, East 44th Avenue, Vancouver
Participants: Kate the preggo, Lisa the best friend, Claire the hostess, JoAnn the master organizer, Elise the closet Brit, Patricia the brain, Ashley the sly cooper, and Kim the game hater

It all started innocent enough. An afternoon tea baby shower where a few ladies get together, sip tea, chitchat, and have fun. After all, most people were bringing the offspring, so it would have to be PG, right?!

Wrong!

The baby shower turned out to be the most fun and cut-throat (yes, you heard right) baby shower I've ever been to, and I'm so glad it was my own! These amazing women sure know how to throw a PARTY and have a good time, sans alcohol, mind you (remember the offspring?!)

From the moment we arrived, everyone was presented with a necklace made of yarn and 8 safety pins. It was a game where if you say the forbidden word, you have to give one of your safety pins to the person who calls you out. But keep in mind we're language nerds. Having only one forbidden word was obviously not challenging enough for us. We first decided that Baby Girl was the forbidden noun; later modified it to be Baby or Girl to add to the challenge. At first, everyone was cautiously paying attention to what they were saying, but oh how quickly we forgot, especially when you had different things to talk about and games to play while you were being watched. Ashley the sly cooper was on top of it all the entire time. I don't know how she did it, but her bat ears and ability to trick people into using those words were... at the end... almost admirable.

Patricia the brain brought a poster that she drew during break time at work (after kicking her students out of the room) called "Pin the Sperm on the Egg". Okay, I have to back up a bit because merely saying that she drew it doesn't do her (and the effort and thought she put into this) justice. First, she found a picture of the female reproduction system that she was going to use for this poster (using a computer at work). After printing it out, she took it to IMS (Instructional Media Service) and made a transparency. She then carried the picture and transparency to class, taught the first 90 minutes with them right on her desk, and made up an excuse and kick her students out of the classroom as soon as they went on the break. She then projected the image on the screen, put a poster paper over it and traced the outline of the female reproduction system. When she brought it home, she colored it and cut out individual blue cardboard sperms. When Kelvin, Patricia husband, walked by one of their kids' rooms and saw his wife bending over on the floor carefully coloring the egg in the picture, he shook his head and commented, "You're having way too much fun doing it."

Surprisingly (because I'm the one who got pregnant most recently), I was the one that sucked the most in this game. While all the other ladies at least got their sperms inside the uterus, I pinned mine dead-on on the right ovary TWICE, and both times on the exact same spot! It's the ovary that I no longer have! We all agreed that there was no other reasonable explanations but to think it was (echo effect) the Return of the Phantom Ovary!

The kids had a great laugh during this game as well. They were the little helpers who had to walk their blindfolded moms to the wall after spinning their moms around. They were trying very hard to suppress the urge to provide verbal hints on the egg's whereabouts in proximity to the sperm in mommy's hands. These are kids between the ages of 3 and 8. Every once in a while, one would blur out "Not there, mommy! Move your sperm to the right!" or, my personal favorite, "Urgh, this sperm is so dumb!"

The last game was Pictionary. I have to say, I've never participated in a game of Pictionary where there was this much trash talk. The words were all birth-related, so they could be difficult to illustrate (like, "contraction" or "foremilk"). Other than letters, there cannot be numbers or symbols (such as arrows pointing up or down). The game was fast-paced, intense, hilarious, and ridiculously fun! I've always known how talented and competitive these women are. Last night, however, we took our competitiveness to a whole new level. I also respect/slightly fear these women a little more now.

I came home totally high on adrenaline. I felt loved and blessed to have a group of ladies who knew exactly how to shower me. I'm very lucky to have them as friends.