The Meltdown

Kai and I were sitting in the recliner reading his new books. We had already spent about half and hour reading, so I said, "One last book in the chair, and you have to go to sleep, okay?" We read one more book. He refused to get into his bed. I was becoming impatient, but I didn't want the night before I go to the hospital be a negative experience for both of us.

I took a deep breath, "What would you like to do, Kai? Wanna snuggle with mommy for a bit?"
"Kaikai wanna talk," he said while climbing into my lap.
"Okay... What do you want to talk about?"
He positioned himself so he could sit comfortably facing me on my lap, "Mommy going hosible?"
My throat tightened. As 'the big day' finally arrived, Bill and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so we decided not to talk about it with Kai tonight. Yet there he was, only 2 years and 5 months old, bringing it up 'cause he wanted to talk about it.
"Yes," I answered, "Mommy's going to the hospital tomorrow."
"Daddy going hosible?"
"Yes. Daddy's going with mommy."
Kai tilted his head, "And Kaikai going hosible?" he smiled nervously.
"Yes, but later!" I explained. "Mommy and Daddy are going to the hospital in the morning. Kaikai is staying home with wai puo. Then Kaikai can come to the hospital LATER."
He stopped listening when I was saying he had to stay home.
"No! Kaikai going hosible with mommy and daddy." He threw himself into my arms, "Kaikai want a hug..."
We sat holding each other for a long while. He didn't want to talk anymore.

I managed to get him in bed, but he refused to settle down and sleep. He told me his right leg hurt and needed a kiss, his wrists were itchy and needed some cream, and he got me to change his PJs because the legs were too short. After I did all that, he asked for a big hug and told me to leave.
Even though he's been doing it this way for a while now (asking me to leave the room and putting himself to sleep), I felt the need to just make sure he was really fine after what'd happened, "You okay putting yourself to sleep tonight?"
He shielded his eyes with his left arm, "Yeah. Kaikai going to sreep all by himself."

I left his room, went down to the basement to tell Bill what happened, and had a meltdown. Kai's been under so much stress! Even though he's limited in how well and how much he can communicate what he's going through, his feelings are just as valid as anyone else', and they deserve to be recognized and respected. Every decision we make potentially shapes the kind of experience Kai's gonna have, so we must not make them lightly. He's only 2 and a half. Everything he feels is so raw and intense. As parents, it's our responsibility to protect that gentle heart of his and help him learn to deal with difficult situations by providing comfort and reassurance.

Years down the road Kai may not remember this day and what a big deal his mama made out of it for herself. However, as I learnt in neuropsychology in child development, every experience a child goes through, no matter how seemingly insignificant in the adult eyes, is making a pathway in his brain and, when repeated, resulting a permanent impact on the blueprint of what could become a part of the child's character. In plain English, experiences, no matter how big or small, good or bad, contribute to shaping the kind of person the child eventually becomes and how s/he deals with things. This is pretty major for Kai. Not only is a sibling coming into his life, he is separated from mom for the first time since he was born. How can we not try to make it as painless as possible?

So Bill and I talked and made a few changes to our plan. Instead of not having his parents around all day long, my aunt and my mom are gonna bring him to the hospital as soon as I'm out of the recovery room. Then Bill's gonna go home with Kai and maybe bring him to the hospital again if necessary. Bill will be home to put Kai to sleep. If absolutely necessary, my mom can stay in the hospital with me overnight.

In short, after a good cry and letting some of the feelings I've been bottling up out, I feel much better with the new arrangement. As Bill held me in his arms, he chuckled, "I've been waiting for this to happen. I was wondering when you're gonna let it out..." 7 years. My husband knows me well.

4am Kai whimper repeatedly in his sleep, "Kaikai wanna go with mommy." I came to his room, rubbed his back for a while, and wrote this post.