My Last Day of Being Pregnant in My Life

Tomorrow, Monday, Feb 20th, 2012, is the last day I'll be pregnant in my life. It's a strange feeling... very conflicting to say the least. A part of me feels like I should be mourning my permanent loss of fertility; yet another part of me thinks I should be glad that I got to beat the odds against ovarian cancer and have had the privilege to experience not one but two miracle pregnancies. Also, while the emotional side feels weepy about not ever being able to feel the movements of a brand new life inside my body, the rational side is relieved for never having to go through morning sickness, bloatedness, back pain, and the general discomfort that pregnancy brings.

Conflicting! The essence of being a Gemini...

What I'm concerned about at this point is how I'm going to deal with it when all is said and done and my body is going through withdrawal of pregnancy hormones! I mean, after I had Kai, I became hysterical just because Bill mocked a guy with a French accent on CNN! It was something that, under normal circumstances, I might smile politely while secretly rolling my eyes. But when my body was out of whack postpartum, it triggered a series of hysterical/borderline psychotic chain reaction. Imagine dealing with my two conflicting selves postpartum this time around... No, I can't imagine how I'll react. Guess I'll just have to deal with it when and if it hits me (and be prepared that it might hit me hard).

The good thing is that I know the emotional reactions will only be temporary. I may even be able to leave them all behind once I leave the hospital. What we'll get to keep is our miracle baby #2, who is going to turn our little somewhat routine world upside down in the most wonderful and amazing ways.

I'm sure I will not ask for anything more.