The Problems
• We don't spend enough time with him/pay enough attention to him
- After school: daddy goes downstairs; mommy's holding sister
- After dinner: half-hearted play; bath; hockey game
- Before bed: "I'm tired." "I don't have time/patience to..."
- Careful with "Kai's a big boy" --> should use it when complimenting (positive), not to set expectations (sucks to be a bug boy so why bother)
- Don't use "going to bed" as negative consequence. (If you..., we're gonna go to bed right now). --> eliminate negative association/unwillingness to go to bed
- Lack of undivided attention (half-hearted companionship)
• Electronics as replacement for parental attention
- TV: No more than an hour, if any; distance
- iPad/iPhone: out of sight, out of mind;
• toddler vision development incomplete; harmful b/c:
flickering screen
bright light
short distance
stimulation
addictive
The Action Plan
- watch what we say and the associations it may create ("Kai's a big boy" and "Do you want to go to bed now?")
- exercise better self-discipline
- set a special time to spend with him in daily activities individually (ie., bath) in which he receives 100% undivided attention (no phones)
- reduced time and exposure to electronics... SERIOUSLY
- absolutely NO electronics in his bedroom!! Bedroom is for sleeping and relaxing.
- look into lessons/classes to help him develop hobbies
- look into community centers for weekend activities. Oakridge is a mall, not a playground (going back to the undivided attention thing).
- use library books to help talk about emotions and fears; be more selective of library books
- continue to educate ourselves about his development and the best ways to help him flourish
- get different art supplies
- play music and dance more often
We're not bad parents. We've been tired, stressed, and slacking off. Kai's not a horrible kid. He's just been dealing with having a baby sister and growing into a big boy.
We can do this. We can do it beautifully.
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