My Sweet Little Devil

** A mother's rant (aka offensive language) ahead.

If anyone had told me three years ago that my son was going to turn into a hurtful little devil, I probably wouldn't believe him/her. I'd be too naive and over-confident and think, "That's not gonna happen to me. Bill and I are gonna have the most even-tempered little angel anyone has ever seen."

Oh! My! Fucking! God!! First of all, no one ever told us about three-year-olds (why didn't anyone tell us?), and second of all, what happened to my adorable little big-eyes-round-cheeks happy-go-lucky baby boy? What is this sudden transformation into a conniving, mouthy, self-serdeving devil whose sole purpose of being these days seems to be to make my life hell and to see how many times he can break my heart in how many ways?! I don't think I would EVER want kids had I known that they could turn on me in a flash, discredit everything I've ever done for them, look at me in such a way as if I'm the last person they want in their lives, and make up lies about what I did or did not do to justify their own bratty behaviors. Everything is a fight now. In the heat of the moment, I clench my teeth together and will my legs into the kitchen so I can let the dish towels and swear words fly. I hear myself think, "Forget it, you fucking asshole! I don't know why I even bothered to be nice to you. I should've known better. After all, all kids are born evil."

Yeah! Must be the kid's fault because there's no way this little prick is the result of my (insert your own adjectives) parenting style. When a kid is screaming his head off and repeatedly punching his father in the nuts in the middle of the First Aid aisle for absolutely no reason whatsoever, wouldn't it be so great if parents could just shrug and and say, "Oh well, what can you do, eh? Kids are born evil." And all the passerby would agree without judgment?

But I don't agree "all kids are born evil". This was a way to explain children's devilish behavior with strong religious influence in THE 16TH CENTURY!! It's totally outdated, and scholars have come a long way in understanding early childhood development with scientific experiments and proof since then. Most importantly, I know my son is not evil. When he was a baby, he was a sweet, easygoing chubbalub. Even in his toddlerhood, while he was first toying with the idea of rebelling against his parents, he was still overall good-natured, kind-hearted, and sensitive. Even now, despite the fighting, he is still a sweetheart most of the time. He's goofy, smart, and sweet. He cracks jokes, makes awesome Lego aircrafts, changes the lyrics of children's songs to fit the situation at the moment, and says things like, "Thank you for making this yummy food, mommy." He wants to be the first to greet his baby sister in the morning and the last to say good-night to her at bedtime. He pays attention to the stories we read to him and corrects us when we make a mistake. He's not afraid of big words (eg., accident) and always finds ways to fit them into our daily conversations. He says 'Thank you' and 'You're welcome' and will land a helping hand if you ask nicely. It's just that periodically something would set off the trigger and this little sweet boy would behave as if he's possessed by the Devil himself, figuratively speaking.

It's still difficult not to get pulled into this emotional battle when Kai's being completely unreasonable and inconsolable, but I try to remain calm by reminding myself that he needs to know that we still love him even when he's at his worst. This is how we build love and trust that will last a life time. He needs this solid emotional support so that he can be fearless when facing life's challenges. Mom and dad are NOT here to correct his behavior or to civilize him. We're here to provide a safe, consistent and nonjudgmental place for him to learn to get a hold of his emotions. I'd like to think that his trust in us grows and his confidence in our love for him solidifies more after each emotional bout.

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