Sore Nipples vs. Birkin Bags

I called three of my yoga classmates to see how they're doing. I was also hoping to share/exchange experience and see if they'd like to hang out. Good news is that they are all doing very well and their babies are thriving. Unfortunately I don't think we'll be hanging out because none of them is breastfeeding and they seem least interested in talking about their experiences as mothers.

Classmate A somehow convinced herself that she couldn't produce milk, so she didn't even bother trying from the get-go. Classmate B tried it for a few days. She gave up because "it was just too painful". Classmate C actually breastfed during the month she stayed in one of those postpartum care centers I wrote about because (1) she had a lot of help and support from the staff, and (2) that was the only thing she had to do. Everything else was taken care of (after all, that's what customers pay the big bucks for: a carefree environment). The same day she returned to her real life, however, she sent her husband out to go get formula.

Needless to say, I was disappointed (because now I have no one to hang out with). Since Kai's birth, my biggest frustration has been this feeling that I'm completely alone in this whole mommy thing here (I know I have a HUGE support system in North America, but there's the time difference and physical distance thing). At first, I thought the reasons for these women to give up breastfeeding were just lame and wimpy, but once I had more time to think about the whole thing, I realized it's not entirely fair to blame the individuals for not putting in enough effort. There are external factors to take into consideration as well.

A side note: just like how I became an English teacher because all my English teachers sucked and I knew I could do a better job, the situation I find myself in right now (namely, no breastfeeding buddies) has made me want to go back to school to become a licensed midwife so new mothers in the future can have a much stronger support system to carry them through the initial difficulties and the ups and downs of breastfeeding.

Despite the government's effort in promoting breastfeeding, it's not surprising that most mothers in Taiwan are not doing it. While a number of social and cultural factors contribute to the difficulty in promoting breastfeeding, the first and biggest problem is the mediocre effort government officials has put into educating the public about breastfeeding. By the way, keep in mind that the "government" here is really only the Taipei City Government. As a typical Taipei-er, Taipei-ee, or Taipei-an (??), I have no idea how things are done outside of Taipei.

So far, the government's effort in promoting breastfeeding remains at a conceptual level and there aren't enough concrete programs or trained personnel to support breastfeeding mothers. Most hospitals in Taipei encourage new mothers to breastfeed, but all that means is that you may see posters or banners in the hallways, but there aren't any creditable lactation consultants readily available to teach you about breastfeeding or provide guidance when you have a hungry newborn in your arms and you have no idea how to begin. In my experience (and I chose a hospital that actively and strongly encourages breastfeeding), Some nurses and volunteers helped me when I had problems or questions, but it was like they simply repeated what they learned in the their 2-hour training seminar on a weekend. The help they provided was not personalized and the tips they gave me weren't all that useful. I didn't know if what I was doing was correct or how I could adjust/improve to better meet my baby's needs.

Other than the government's half-ass effort, the deeply rooted family structure and the modern attitude toward child rearing make it difficult for young couples to (want t0) take care of the baby on their own, which in turn results in new mothers' inclination to take the easy way out (= not breastfeeding). In Taiwan, most married couples live with the husband's family. It's great for both generations as the younger couple gets to live cheaply and the older couple doesn't just stare at each other all day. When a child is born and both parents have to work, the grandparents naturally take over childcare responsibilities. Not only does grandma take care of the baby when mommy and daddy are at work, she also does the 2am and 5am feedings and diaper changing because mommy and daddy have to get up early for work the next day. This means the young couple doesn't have to, nor do they want to, learn to take care of their own baby. After all, taking care of a baby is hard, and breastfeeding is hard. If grandma wants to take care of the baby and grandma believes formula is best (cause when grandma was a new mom, she was taught formula was better than breast milk), the young couple is more than happy to put the baby's crib in grandma's room and not even consider breastfeeding.

The next factor is not directly related to breastfeeding, but I find it fascinating nonetheless. In the old days, women used their fertility to secure their position in the house. Because of the decline of fertility rate, young Taiwanese women nowadays use pregnancy/child birth as bargaining chips for cash or material goods from their husbands or the husband's family. A bank teller told me that she made her husband promise to buy her a Brikin bag (see Victoria's Birkin Bag) and give it to her as soon as their daughter was born. A friend's father-in-law bought the young couple an apartment when they found out she was pregnant with a boy. The couple then rented the apartment out for extra income and still live with his parents for free childcare.

With all these factors in mind, it's easier to be more understanding as for why my yoga classmates are not breastfeeding. When her son was born, classmate A's in-laws gave her a red envelop of NT$200,000 (approx. US$6,500) as a thank-you gift/reward for continuing the family line. Then the mother-in-law practically took the child away as her own toy/prize and has been hogging... ahem, I mean, taking care of him. Classmate B didn't get a red envelop (in case you're curious, she also gave birth to a little boy), but her mother-in-law is the main caretaker of the baby because she thinks my classmate doesn't know how to mother a baby and my classmate is not trying very hard to prove her mother-in-law wrong. Classmate C has a live-in Philipino maid whose new additional job is to take care of the baby girl while mommy spends half a day in the spa or goes for afternoon tea with her friends.

So I guess the answer to "why aren't more Taiwanese women breastfeeding" is really simple: why bother?!

p.s. I found a couple of cool mommy bloggers through a friend's blog. I've been reading them and really enjoy it. Thank you, the author of the Absence of Alternatives.