More Than A Few Words

In one of the last couple of days of my pregnancy, I asked my friend Lisa, "Is it (being a mother) really as hard as people say it is? How could it be so hard?" I wanted to hear what Lisa had to say 'cause she's my best friend, and I figured we'd probably be very similar in how we are as moms (making similar mistakes, enjoying similar triumphs, etc).

Lisa heard my question. She laughed and laughed, which made me feel obligated to laugh with her. Then I pushed, "Well?" Lisa finally said (still laughing), "Oh Kate... Yes and no. I don't know how to explain... For me, it was hard... but it wasn't... It may be a totally different experience for you. You'll just have to wait and see."

Wha--? I was disappointed 'cause I thought, knowing how she had been a mother for almost 2 years at that time, Lisa would be able to point out where the landmines were, sort to speak. Seeing... well, more like hearing, how she was struggling to put it in words, my heart fluttered 'cause the unknown (=being a mother) just got a lot scarier. You've gotta understand, Lisa is very articulate and good with words. I honestly couldn't recall any other experiences that had left Lisa being all like "cat got her tongue". Know what I mean?

A few days ago, I ran into a colleague in a coffee shop. He and his wife just had a baby a month ago, so naturally sleep deprivation was pretty much all we talked about. In the course of the conversation, I had one of those out-of-body experiences: There I was, looking into the eyes of a tired new dad and talking about late-night feeding .

Then I heard it, "Is it really this hard, Kate? I mean, people told me it'd be hard, but I didn't even know what they meant. Is it gonna get easier from this point on?"

I felt all the emotions I've experienced in the past 5 months stirring and rumbling in the pit of my stomach, but my throat was locked. Words raced through my head like sand slips between fingers. The appropriate time for a delayed reply in social situations was running out. I gotta give him an answer! Any answer!

I laughed.

I understood exactly how Lisa felt 5 months ago.

Simply put, parenthood cannot be summed up in one, or a few, words. It's a life-long experience that is so different for everyone.


Addendum: I didn't have time to finish this post, and Blogger didn't allow me to save it as a draft. I waited for two days with the window open, but it still said "unable to save". Anyway, I hit the "publish" button knowing that it will read unfinished.... (like the dot dot dot). I'll come back to this if I have time.