Friday, April 30, 2010

Learning to Mother Gracefully... but first, let me rant

Well, I've been living in the fast lane. As Kai gains more mobility and independence, I find that the majority of my time is spent holding him up so he can bounce or stand or walk, which, would totally be fine if I didn't have the other gazillion things I have to do. When I'm not doing that, I'm doing something around the house. It feels unreasonably stressful at times, this housekeeping thing. Maybe it's because I'm new to this. From the moment I wake up, it's Go! Go! Go! until I pass out half naked with my mouth hanging open. My hands are always busy, constantly washing cleaning wiping scrubbing tickling caressing scratching soothing taking things off putting things on picking things up putting things down.
I've got to learn to do it gracefully. At the end of the day, which is when my husband comes home, I'm usually frazzled, sweaty, and tired, covered in all kinds of stain or plain water (I don't seem to be able to do the dishes without getting myself all wet, yet I don't like wearing an apron). Sexy? Hmm..... not at all.
I can't help but reminiscing about the good old teaching days and wondering how I was able to multitask like that. Different types of classes, different lesson plans, test schedules and homework assignments, reading and marking students' writing that was full of ungrammatical structures and incoherent logic, teachers' requests, meetings, evaluations, and I handled it all with ease. Yet I don't seem to be able to handle the simple chores that I have to get done around the house. As mentioned earlier, my hands are always busy, and I'm constantly thinking and planning inside my head: Throw the laundry in before I feed Kai breakfast. During breakfast, I can steam some pumpkin. When breakfast is done, leave the pumpkin to cool, give Kai a cracker to munch on, and take the laundry to the dryer. Come back, wipe off Kai's hands and face, wipe off the high chair and put it away, put Kai in his other chair with toys, rinse the rag, and put the dishes away. Of course, I almost never get all the things done in the time frame in my plan, and I admit, that frustrates me (I know... I need to work on that. I can't let it bother me).



Apparently at 7 months, Kai also understands the value of multitasking


It can't really be this hard.. this mothering/housekeeping stuff. Otherwise, millions of women would not make that conscious CHOICE to be stay-at-home-moms. I, too, made that choice; yet I get so mad at myself sometimes 'cause I feel totally inadequate. And I'm not even holding myself to the highest standard (i.e., Martha Stewart, my mother-in-law, or those stylist housewives in Mad Man). All I want is not to feel like I'm always racing against something (time, ants, nap time, etc).

I want to be able to do it gracefully. Is that too much to ask?

1 comment:

Mom said...

Just sit down, hug, kiss, love, squeeze.....all the rest will get done...eventually.

AND, it WILL get easier as he gets a bit older...really!

Love from your...believe me...NOT "higher standard"...MIL!!!