I could hear Kai's voice as i was typing the title of this post. For the past 5 months, that's what he said every morning as he headed out to go to the daycare. Kai's been having a hard time with my mom being gone, and I'm having a hard time with her being gone because of Kai.
I'm sad watching my baby boy dealing with sadness. At such a young age too.
Kai wanted to go into the airport to see her off, but my mom told us on the way to the airport to just drop her off because both kids were tired and cranky that morning. Such a mom/grand mom thing: putting the kids first. My mom thought it was more important for the kids to go home so they would not be out while they were obviously already tired than for them to get out of the car, see her off in the airport, get in the car again and go home. My mother didn't think saying good-bye to her in the airport was, or should be, a big deal. Also, I dare say in Chinese culture, farewells are very often downplayed and/or kept short. For one thing, it is uncommon for Chinese (well, most Asians for that matter) to publicly display their emotions, especially for people in my mom's generation. In fact, I was quite pleased to see, in the 5 months of her stay, that my mother had grown to be increasingly comfortable with embracing Kai physically (No, I do not remember my mom hugging or kissing me when I was young, and it's not sad. I'm not sad. It's just a different culture). I could tell she felt a bit awkward when she first arrived, but about a couple of months later, she was giving him kisses and hugs whenever she pleased. My mom even said, "I love you" to Kai, in both English and Chinese!! My Asian friends will understand what a HUGE deal this is; Western ones might be shocked.
What I failed to consider was what it might have been for our sensitive toddler. Even though he had been up since 6 and a stinker all morning, Kai said again and again while Bill was unloading my mom's luggage that he wanted to go into the airport. My mom gave him hugs and Kai got to kiss and hug her good-bye, but it was clearly not enough (sadly we didn't realize this until we saw how he reacted after we had left the airport).
It's only been about 36 hours since we dropped my mom off, but Kai clearly misses her. I think it saddens him to see the empty guest room (aka wai-puo's room). He calls the spot where my mom had been sitting on the couch "wai-puo's spot", and I wasn't allowed to sit there. He lowers his eyes and turns away whenever the word "wai-puo" is brought up. Bill and I have been explaining why she had to leave, but it's still raw for Kai.
I'm sure it's tough for my mom to be away from the kids as well. A couple of days before she was due back, I asked her how she was feeling. First my mom told me that, at her age, she rarely experiences turbulent emotions (if you know the kind of life my mom has had, I'd say she's already got her share of joys and heart aches). Then she gazed out the window murmuring, "It's gonna take some getting used to for sure...", as if to prepare herself for some pretty intense feeling she may experience once she gets back to her life in Taiwan.
Shit! Now I'm a mess...
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