About a year and a half ago, when Kai was just the sweetest little boy known to mankind, my colleagues warned me about the upcoming changes in the next few years. I don't want to bore you with the extensive discussions, so I'll just sum it up here: "terrible twos, troubling threes, and the f***king fours". Back then, I did not buy it. I refused to even fathom the idea that my sweet 1.5-year-old would EVER become a a monster in a cute kid's skin.
Boy, was I wrong!
I remember it was a few days after Kai's second birthday that Bill and I noticed something different. He was not our perfect child anymore (and it's pretty much been downhill from that point on). What's worse, Kai has an incredible memory and above-average language skills for a child his age. He picks things up, experiments with it (or shall we say perfects it), and uses it against us. One of the first things he learnt was negotiation. He negotiates everything he does with us every day, from what to eat for breakfast to how many books to read before bed. We didn't mind it at first because he at least kept his word. Just when we were comfortable enough to say something stupid like, "Well, I don't see why this terrible twos is such a big deal", he entered what I call (drum roll please)... the schizophrenic toddler phase.
Here's an example of a typical schizophrenic toddler:
Mom: What would you like for breakfast?
Kid: I want some hot cereal.
Mom: Okay, I'll go make you some hot cereal.
Kid: No! I want some Cheerios.
Mom: I thought you wanted hot cereal? You want Cheerios instead?
Kid: Yeah.
Mom: Okay!
Then just when mom's pouring milk into the Cheerios, the child freaks out.
Kid: Nooooo... I don't want Cheerios. I want some hot cereal.
When Bill and I were living overseas, we named totally irrational, unexplainable situations that baffled us "Taiwan WTF Moments". THIS is one of my many Toddler WTF Moments!
Okay, so as time went by, the same then-colleagues-now-friends who warned me about the terrible twos, troubling threes, and the f***ing fours felt the need to let me in on the biggest secret of being the parent of a toddler when Kai was 2.5 years old: Two is not the worst in the terrible twos. The last quarter of the second year is in fact the worst.
Here's my parenting WTF Moment. What did they mean? And why didn't they tell me in the first place? Oh, and it irked me so much that they said it in this "Heh heh heh, we purposely didn't tell you until now because we want to watch your jaw drop" kind of attitude. Even my best friend Lisa was like, "Oh yeah! I totally forgot about it. Yeah, the end of Jordy's second year was brutal. Be prepared."
And they are right! Kai's 2 months shy from his third birthday, and Bill and I are exhausted simply from battling Kai all day every day. Our sensitive, easygoing, happy-go-lucky baby boy is, from time to time, possessed by this self-serving, greedy, unappreciative little turd whose sole purpose of being is to do the opposite of what we say and he's very good at it too! I didn't know I could feel such extreme rage against someone I so deeply love! On the really bad days, I have to physically remove myself so that I won't say or do something I know I'm gonna regret. But man... does this boy know how to get my goat.
Some say toddlerhood is the first adolescence. I've also read that a toddler goes through more hormone changes than a teenager (no wonder they are the way they are). Today I actually read someone using the word "threenager" to describe his son, and I thought it was very fitting for my own son as well.
"Once they enter kindergarten, things will get A LITTLE BIT easier." a colleague with a 5-year-old told me today. It'd better to true because, when Kai turns 5, his little sister will be well into the latter half of her second year. If her temperament as an infant is any indication, toddler Wei will for sure be more than a handful.
Buckle up, Daddy! We have yet another roller coaster to ride.
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