Mom & Dad

Dude (I don't know how we'll be addressing people in 2025, but this is what the parents sometimes call me so I figured...),

I'm writing this letter to you, the future me, because in 2025 you probably think our parents are the dorkiest, most uncool people on the planet Earth. The truth is, they didn't all of a sudden become dorky; they have been dorks all their lives. And contrary to what you may think, they were actually once very cool in their own ways in their time.

This is year 2009, and I'm 10 weeks old. We're living on an island called Taiwan off the coast of Mainland China. Speaking of China, dad just got back from a week long business trip in Beijing. He actually got up super early one day and took a colleague from India to Tiananmen Square (天安門廣場) to watch the flag raising ceremony. He then took the colleague to breakfast and ordered 2 steamers of steamed buns. When the waitress asked how many steamers (ji long 幾籠 in Chinese) they'd like, dad answered, "Liang long (兩籠)." The waitress asked, "Ji long (幾籠)?" Dad answered again, this time emphasizing the tones, "Liang long." The waitress still didn't understand, "Ji long?"

You gotta understand, dad's Chinese is good enough that he can handle almost all the basic affairs, even banking. Ordering food in Chinese is obviously something dad wouldn't have any problem doing, so he was puzzled by why the waitress was having trouble understanding his Chinese (and the waitress was probably wondering why this foreigner kept giving the same answer, the one that she clearly didn't understand). Dad and the waitress went back and forth for a couple more times until finally someone said, "Er long (二籠)." Dad and the waitress then realized the misunderstanding (more like no understanding) was the result of dialectal differences. As you know (I'd imagine mom and dad will keep the Chinese thing going, so you're probably fluent now), both "liang" (兩) and "er" (二) mean the number two; however, one is only used in Taiwan whereas the other is primarily used in Mainland China. Dad thought it was pretty hilarious, so he told mom this story when they Skyped. Of course, mom had no idea they used "er" in Mainland China either.

And that's pretty much what mom and dad are like. They always have interesting stories to tell, even in their day-to-day lives (they're the type of people that would talk to random strangers on the street because they're curious about them). As you may have noticed, both of them have this habit of telling stories from the beginning. Sometimes they even start telling another story ("to give you more background") in the middle of telling a story. So it's never a good idea to ask them about their travels when you're on your way out or in the middle of a video game. Be warned: once you get them started, be prepared to stay a while. You see those 3D magnets on the fridge? Each is a city/country mom and dad have been to, and each place probably has at least half a dozen stories associated with it. So yeah, RUN when you hear them say, "Hey, have I ever told you about that one time when I/we..."

But then again... because of their passion for traveling, I got my first passport at 10 weeks of age (and there's at least one more to come). Let the adventures begin!!

They haven't done much traveling (correction: they haven't really done much of anything) since I arrived. You should've seen how clueless they were during the first few weeks of my life. They had no idea that having a kid means that what seems to be the most mundane chores in daily life are now all big productions that involve careful planning, scheduling, and organizing. Perhaps it was their attempt to spice things up or simply to keep something that at times may not be fun fun, mom and dad started singing about everything, and I mean EVERYthing! Mom gets a kick out of it especially when she makes things rhyme. She gives me kisses as part of the morning routine, so she made up this little rhyme to go with them:

Kisses on your cheeks
Kisses on your nose
Kisses on your lips, and
Kisses on your toes

I have to admit, as a 10-week-old baby, it's pretty goofy and fun when she does that. Does she still do that with you? Do you let her?

Two weeks ago, when I was screaming in pain because I had trouble pooping, mom, in a desperate attempt to help, started singing:

Poop poop come out
Poop poop come out
We want poop poop to come out
We want poop poop come out
poop poop come out
Poop you come right out

Now she sings this song every time I have to poop. She must be quite proud of this little jingle she made up (either that, or she really thinks that it has the power the summon baby feces). I don't mind, really. It certainly helps distract me from the tummy aches and it's fun when she lightly bounces me up and down as she sings it. But man, for your mental well being, I certainly hope she doesn't lean against the bathroom door and sings this song while you're on the can.

Unlike mom, who has created a tune for almost every situation, the things dad sings about are more improv, spur-of-the-moment. So they're more unpredictable and difficult to remember. There are, however, two things he does consistently. One is that he calls me Mr. (adjective+noun) when it's something negative. When it's something positive, he uses the superlative adjectives+baby+prepositional phrase of place. And he does both in questions: "Who's Mr. Poopy Pants?" "Who's Mr. Burpy Burp?" "Who's Mr. Cranky Face?" and "Who's the coolest baby in the house?" "Who's the most talkative baby on this block?" "Who's the cutest baby in the world?"

I bet you hear "Who's Mr. Smarty Pants?" quite often now, huh (I wouldn't expect nothing less , actually)?! Tell you what? Next time dad asks you this question, you should say, "YOU're Mr. Smarty Pants." He'll like it. You'll see.

Mom wants me to remember this, but it's too long for a 10-week-old baby so we'd better record it down here:
Whenever you find the parents to be the most stubborn, uncool, and/or annoying people on earth, remember that nothing is done out of malice. We can always work thing out. They would also like to ask you, at times when you wonder why they don't or can't see eye to eye with you, to try to understand that, even though they will have been parents for 16 years in 2025, they are in fact just as inexperienced as they were when they brought me home from the hospital. As you go through different stages in life and bring home a variety of experiences, they will be constantly adapting and learning to best be your mom and dad at that point in time. Every change you go through is a brand new experience (and/or a new set of challenges) for them. After all, there are no manuals for parenting, but mom and dad will make sure that they do the best they can in the best way they know how.

... she also said she'll keep you updated as she thinks of anything else.